go back?

Some quote said : 

In my end of 1x.. i have a big regret about what i do before... why i'm so stupid doing that? And i wanna undo it. 

Now... i don't want to change my past..

I realise that every person i met give me a great lesson..

Friend, family, ex... 

Yep ex... i should thanks to every single person spending their time with me and make me become someone like this right now..

Normally i spend a lot of my time with my partner that's make them have a big deal of my life.

let's say.. 

mr A... 

    He teach me become very easy going person and always stay calm no matter what.

mr B... 

    He teach me to love my self, my race, my existence and always try the best for your partner. He teach me to split every sadness i feel to him ( that hard T__T , but code not gonna solve problem)

mr C... 

    He teach me to use more appropriate cloth(before, mr B like me when i use sleeveless cloth which i love the most). He make me realise that, love and protection is not what i need. He make me realise that every single person have different point of view about being loved. And he's the one who make me meet mr D

mr D... 

    He teach me about have a patient, he teach me how hard handling childish action( that time i just realise that mr B is great person, since he never angry to me with my childish act :p )

Mr E (not ex).. 

    Finally.....I found it...free love without a lot of sensitive feeling and still feeling loved is exist. (well i'm not yet learning any new skill here, but i got a lot of happy moment ^__^ )

Now... i just become person who can love myself, always be me, easy going, always try not throw my anger every time( still lost sometime @___@ ) , try to talk about my sadness, appreciate more, and.... realistic(After a lot of fail of course you'll be more realistic :v ) 

I got a lot of thing in my life with them, and it make me decide.. if i could go back i still gonna passed my life like before. Because myself right know create by them, time and sacrifice. So there's no need to go back :D

I don't regret trial n error i do every single time. Because everyone have lesson to learn even in my worst relationship..

Never afraid trying, because everyone have something to share with you.. never think that you only waste your time... No.. Definitely no.. two person will help you become better person faster then alone.. And make you ready to be better person for yourself and surround you..

Nb. I love myself and don't think about change it.. But for some reason, became better person as a part of universe make me have a better feeling.

Cina!

"Cina!"

Sebuah kata yang sering kudengar ketika aku berjalan sendirian menyusuri jalan(bahkan begitu pula hari ini)

Setiap kali aku mendengarnya, terlintas di pikiranku, sudah berapa banyak orang dari orang cina" itu merendahkanmu? Hingga sekarang engkau mengkotakkanku menjadi bagian dari "Cina" dan bukan dari bangsa Indonesia walaupun engkau tak mengenalku?

Yap, saya tidak akan membela para Cina" itu. Karena saya tahu sendiri bahwa banyak dari kami yang memandang sebelah mata kepada ras lain. Tak jarang setiap kumpul keluarga, aku hanya bisa terdiam dan bersabar mendengar mereka merendakan pribumi layaknya ras yang tidak sepadan dengan mereka. Berkali- kali aku ingin memprotes. Kita ini numpang di negara mereka, kok kalian bisa- bisanya sih berkata seperti itu?? Tapi itu semua terpendam hanya dalam pikiran dan dikubur sebisa mungkin dalam- dalam. Agar mereka tidak menyalahkan mama dalam mendidik anaknya. Hanya karena beliaulah aku berusaha berdiam, memandang mereka yang melakukan pembicaraan yang memuakkan. 

Tak jarang aku malas berukumpul bersama keluarga. Bagaimana tidak, apabila bahasan yang ada adalah mencari jodoh yang sama- sama "Cina" dengan cara bicara seakan mereka merupakan ras paling tinggi di muka bumi. Aku berpikir berkali-kali, kelakuan kalian itulah yang membuatku merasakan dikatai "Cina!" berkali". Apakah kalian pernah merasakan bagaimana dikatai di jalan? Dikatai ketika sedang mau masuk persewaan komik(pernah loh)? Dikatai ketika sedang naik motor? dan di masih banyak tempat? mungkin iya, tapi saya yakin tidak sebanyak saya. Saya dan para cina yang tidak merasa bahwa cina adalah sesuatu yang penting. 

Kenapa? Karena mereka cuma berada dalam lingkup mereka sendiri. Mereka hanya berteman dengan "sesama" mereka. Mereka begitu takut untuk melangkahkan kaki mereka ke tempat yang tidak banyak "sesama"nya.

Berapa kali aku mendengar nasihat, jangan disana banyak wana nya. Aku cuma bisa menghela nafas, dan menatap mereka dalam diam serta putus asa. Apabila memang tidak mau bersama, kenapa kalian masih tinggal di Indonesia? Kenapa????

About This Blog

This blog is a place to put trash of my life.. (and learning english sometime)

I'll make this a reminder for myself. what i'm look like before, now and future. What i'm search on beginning and what i get in last. What the purpose of my life and am i already do that or not.

Live is only once and time always run. Wake up with smile and live a life without regret~